The 1812 Overture

Today's epiphany regards patriotism, music, and trying to impress a girl with 'sophisticated' intelligence.

The situation is this:

It's visiting hours in Helaman Halls, and I'm working on homework with the door open. I've got Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture playing while I work.

For those who don't know, I am hopelessly obsessed with classical music. My iPod is full of dead composers and movie soundtracks. Most people don't recognize a majority of my favorite songs, but that's okay - I don't recognize most of theirs either.

Tonight, however, a female passerby happens to realize what I'm listening to, so she stops in. We have a brief chat, and it's obvious she is musically brilliant. As she's about to leave, a boy stops in. Let's call him Alpha Male.

Alpha also recognizes the song, although he lacks the sense to realize he knows nothing more about it than the title. That's not enough to stop Alpha, though. Seeing the girl's apparent regard for the song, he puffs his chest out and begins a long-winded soliloquy about how awesome the 1812 Overture is.

Although it wasn't necessary, he gives us a brief history of the song. He explains that Peter Tchaikovsky was always a bit of a US lover at heart, and when he heard that America had won the War of 1812, he was inspired to write a beautiful and triumphant song about it.

Not content to leave it there, Alpha tells both of us about how when the song is performed, orchestras will hire cannon performers to fire off live rounds into the air in order to get the "true" effect that Tchaikovsky intended.

With a final beating of the chest and a wink at the girl, Alpha turns away to hunt for more worshipers (I might have imagined the chest-beating).

It's been awhile since I laughed that hard with a stranger.

Peter Tchaikovsky was a proud citizen of Russia and wrote the overture for a festival which celebrated the Russian victory over Napolean's French armies in 1812. He never had much respect for anybody but Russia. In fact, that two main themes in the piece are "Marseilles" (the French national anthem) and "God Save the Czar", which enters to drown out the French anthem. On the same day U.S. forces made the biggest push of the War of 1812 (30,000 men), Napolean was trudging through Western Russia with 300,000 men.

Not only this, but during performances of the 1812 Overture, percussionists set off the cannon. It's every timpanist's dream to someday get the part. Of course, they don't fire off live rounds. Usually, they shoot shotgun blanks through the rear of the barrel.


The epiphany in all of this? People tend to be smarter than we give them credit for! Never mix empty intelligence with flirtation - it only works in the movies.